eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
