We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
