how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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