Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
