shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
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I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
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I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?