This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
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she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.