the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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