my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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