my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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