I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
