Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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