I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
