Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
