One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
