Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
