Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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