You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
