i think i have two assholes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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