people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had to cum in my sink.
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