i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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