The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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