Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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