We won't sleep together?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
