69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
