So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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