Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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