I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
is it fun? or sober?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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