I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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