please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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