A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
