i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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