**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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