dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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