Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
