I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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