; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize