My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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