That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
