I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
