shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
