Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
