Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
