There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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