your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
