I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
