Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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