he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
