I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
