Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
