Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
