I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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