i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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