Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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