Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
