Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
