I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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