So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
