Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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