i think my mom watched the whole time
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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