haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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